My Blog

Look you guys I’ve been sleeping these days alright? So many messages re " blog ka naman ulit oh ", or " miss ko na blog mo ". Haaaaah fota ang dami niyo!I do have stories to tell, yet I cannot share them with you, simply because I am not a Gossip Columnist if you know what I mean. Relax lang!Steady lang my friends. Shot na to. Cheers tayo cheers.

1:05 a.m.

Due to the insitence of a ninja i shall post this entry from my journal. Well here goes.

Home yet again. Sunday. The night before I was in makati with friends. I had fun yes indeed, yet I woke up cursed by a horrible hangover. It seems that Vodka is not my friend. In order for me to wash away the throbbing in my head, I opted to get myself a bottle of San Mig Light. O.k. three bottles. Hunger pangs were not yet apparent, so I decided not to eat despite th fact that it was already passed noontime. After the last drop of beer, and after listening to Pat Metheney’s "Still life Talking" album, I realizd that there was nothing to look forward to today. Boredom loomd upon me as the sky would blanket the earth. It was time to leave these walls which I call home.

1:28a.m.

Unlike most people I know, I’ve no real friends who lives near enough for me to pester. They either live in the Pasig area, or way down south. "Too far" thought I, and besides even if I braved the journey it would’ve been quite rude of me. After all……it is a sunday. Surely you all would like to be left alone with your family. There was only one solution to be rid of this boredom. The mall. After a shower , and three cigarettes,I hailed a cab , and instructed the driver to take me to Glorietta. My mission? Windowshop , and torture myself. Hey it beats lying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, and contemplating on issues which have been contemplated upon one too many times while listening to Sting or Seal. Time for a shot it seems. Hold on.

1:42a.m.

Game. As you may be well aware of , sunday is the one day of the week wherein the mall is UBER chaotic. Families, couples, groups, and lonely morons like myself would infest the mall the way rats would infest our sewers. I combed the stores looking at fantastic clothes( some of which I could not resist to try on, yet not buying a single thread simply because I did not have enough notes on me for such luxury.) Responsibility must come first. Bills must be paid. Ahh the bane of living on your own.

1:59a.m.

Each and evrey shop I fancied has been inspected save one. Tower Records. The plan was to look , and listen to new music…… drooling over them is inevitable. Afterwards it’s off to a 7ELEVEN to get me a long neck then surf the net. Tower Records is a sad sight nowadays. Nothing worth spending on. Absolutely nothing on the Rock, Jazz, and Electronica racks. Irritating , yet relieving. It appears there is nothing to bleed for. At that moment I found myself at the O.P.M. rack to check if Razorback still had copies for sale. Greatest hithits. So meron pa pala. It was then at that moment when I noticed her. An Englishwoman. Desperately trying to communicate  with one of the salesladies. " NO.NO", she said with the utmost patience. " I’m looking for popular indegenous Filipino music please. Do you understand?"  Obviously the saleslady did not  because in her hand was a copy of SPONGECOLA! At that moment i felt obliged to intervene.  As the failure of communication was taking place between our hardworking constituent, and the Brittish subject, I took the the liberty of gathering copies of PINIKPIKAN, GRACE NONO, JOEY AYALA, and teehee….. a copy of Razorback’s Greatest Hithits 8). Yes indeed I am a sly bastard. " Oh thank you for being such a dear " said she. So off to the listening station she went. I was checking out the new COLDPLAY album. I don’t quite fancy this new release, yet after a few minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the Britton. She was smilling. The way a child smiles when given  candy or chocolate. And thats when I realized how beautiful she was. Long flowing blonde locks, tantalizing blue eyes, lithe, and slender physique, and a smile capable of disarming the Armed Forces of the Philippines.  " These selections are absolutely wicked! " said the beautiful girl." I’ll take the lot. Thank you very much for your help. Hullo my name is Patricia! Pat for short, and short is for friends.What’s your name? ". All I could think of at the time was ABIDI ABIDI ABIDI THAT’ ALL FOLK’S! Yet somehow I mustered enough courage to be a charming gentleman. " My name is Brian. A pleasure to meet you Patricia. I’m sorry!  Pat  for short is’nt it?". I apologized for the salelady’s ignorance. Small talk followed. After purchasing over eleven discs Pat approached me yet again. " I must return the favor somehow. Would you care to have tea with me? or some wine perhaps? ".  Looking at those tantalizing blue eyes I was at a loss for words yet somehow I was able to utter one word despite her humbling gaze. " Wine?"  I said. God I’m such a dork. 

To whoever is reading at this moment,

I’ll have to cut this short for the mean time. This interet cafe apparently no longer operates 24 hours. I promise to bring an ending to my tale. Wala sinusungitan na ako ng putanginang hindot na to e. Sandali lang. Babanatan ko lang tong kumag  na to. I’ll finish my story tomorow.

Four days later……

10: 48 p.m.

No I did not bring him down, yet I told the fool that he should treat customers with more courtesy. A bit of hostility perhaps, yet I was in place. Off we go.

       And so my new found friend had taken me to SENTRO 1771 to consume a bottle of wine. A lovely afternoon. As we greedily rushed the three bottles of wine she so gallantly brought to our table, we found ourselves intoxicated not with wine , but discussion. It appears that not just music compares us. I have discovered a person who has the same taste in food. Indian, and Mediterrainian it seems. Our love for the ocean ( which brought her here. European weather, does not go well with her system. I also learned that Pat’s grandmother is Filipina, and that they own property in Quezon City. Pat intends to stay here in the Pinas, study in a university, of which only Pat, myself, and the Ninja knows where. Point is she intends to stay. Ay oo!), our distaste for the American Government’s occupation of Iraq, and how these Koreans who would pose by the fountain in the middle of Sentro 1771, Bubba Gump, and Oody’s. I maean what the feck? Stop posing in front of that ridiculous contraption which wastes precious water all day long, and go to fecking Intramuros  or something right?! Learn about our heritage Tangina sana pumunta kayo sa TAWI TAWI , at sana makidknap kayo! Industry din yan sa Pinas kala niyo!? Dollars meyng! Anyway….. the goddamn thing , a’int even purty, yet you pose in front of it as if it were the Eiflle Tower , or perhaps the Pyramids of Egypt!  Look right….. It’s not one of the Seven Wonders of the world. Tis an overgrown faucet wasting away precious resource. Goddamn it do’nt even look good right!? Yet they insist on posing in front of the confounded piece of shit. " Koreans. Silly the lot of them are’nt they? " Pat inquired. All i could do was agree.

11:12p.m.

We spoke about several things. How Micael Jackson must be innocent. Frenchmen are proud.  Hitler was not just mad…..he was brilliant. The Philippines would’ve been better off had the Brittish Army under General Blackhouse undermined the Spanish armed resistance, and the influence of the Spanish Friars who had  brainwashed our ancestors to the favour of the Spanish Crown ( by the way this happened during the seventeen hundreds. Before the time  George Washington  conducted a revolutionary  independence campaign against the English.). The point is the fact that, finally , I have found someone who shares my enthusiasm for music, religion , and history ( Religion can touch a sore spot, and the content of our conversation  may offend ceartin friends.  As some of you know, the discussion of religion may bring out the best, or the worst in us , and that is why I refuse to post what it was we came up with. In my journal sure. Not on the internet highway;). Perhaps a soulmate? ……

11:23p.m.

It was perfect. She was cultured, had good taste in the arts, a history buff, and we agreed as to how to acknowledge , worship, and respect the creator……… whatever you decide to call HIM. It was magic. Rather she was magic. As I gazed into her tantalizing blue eyes ,and listened to the music which was her,  I knew I had found the answer to all of my pain.

Two days later. At a friends place in Makati.

Sorry for the delay folks. The internet cafe had to kick me out again.

5:00a.m.

As the afternoon reached it’s zenith, I noticed a change in my my new found friend. She seemed restless, and kept looking at her mobile phone. And there it was. A cute unexpected surprise. Out of nowhere appeared a little boy. Blonde , blue eyed , age 6 perhaps. "Mummy! Mummy! " the little boy exclaimed. " Mummy? Mummy?!!!" I thought. " Charles hullo! How was your afternoon at Timezone? Were you able to beat your last score? And what do we have here? I see somone has gone shopping!" said Pat. " I did Mummy! I did! Dadddy bought me a Spiderman action figure! Look !" said the little boy. " Daddy?!! Daddy?!!!!" . I checked her hand, no ring was apparent, yet true enough a tall , blonde , blue eyed man was staring at me from a distance. He then approached our table and dryly said " Hullo Pat.". I sensed a cetain nervousness from Patricia as she acknowleged his greeting. "  Hullo  Wallace darling! Brian I’d like you to meet  my boyfriend Wallace, and my  son Charles. " . I attempted desperately to appear unaffected as I shook Wallace’s hand, yet I was devastated. The man then took Patricia aside, and somewhere along their conversation in whispers I overheard Wallace utter the words " Been talking to strange men again have we?  Look…". After two minutes Patricia called the attention of the waitress, and asked for the cheque. She thanked me for my assistance, and company, and then they were off. As they went their way, she stared at me, and i at her. From those eyes we had a moment. I knew she was feeling what I was feeling yet circumstance barred us from each other. Then she was gone.

6:38a.m.

I went home after three beers at Oody’s. Home  once again. Sunday the night before I was in Makati with friends. I had fun yes indeed. Today I met a girl who siezed my world by storm. Yet once again fate tells me to be patient. The hunt goes on.

4:35am

A few days ago, the Hooligans from Blady’s Cafe, and I were lounging about by the corridor , and not in the cafe itself.I had my empoy, some had beers, and some were on God knows what. One asked how I got into Razorback, so we all gathered round, and told them my tale. I must admit I felt like a Grandfather sharing old war stories to his Grandchildren at that time. Everyone listened intently, and found themselves enthralled by my tale. This made them want to hear more. Being the enthusiastic storyteller that I am , it was my pleasure to grant them their request. We had a gas! I had a gas because I was reliving the past in my mind. Happier times they were indeed. In this entry I shall not share the story of how I got into the band, nor the experience of my first gig with Razorback. Nay. This entry will tell the tale of a tenaged hooligan and the home of many at the time. One of these days I may share to you what I have shared to my friends at Blady’s but not today. Shot muna. Yosi. Off we go.

4:48am

The year 1993. I was sixteen at the time. Third year HighSchool. Something went amiss with the family so we had to separate. Mama was in Laoag , Ilocos Norte , along with my younger siblings. My Grandmother was somewhere else. I was entrusted to my aunt who lived in San Lorenzo Village. I was , and still am thankfull for her generosity, concern, help, and hospitality. There was only one problem.She was too conservative. She was the type who would go to mass everyday, force me to pray the Angelus , pray the rosary three times a day, and would always tell me to repent because the day of reckoning was near. A little too religious for my taste. She was so conservative I was only allowed to go out on saturdays, yet I had to be back by midnight. Do you see where I’m coming from? I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK AM I? FUCKING CINDERELLA?!! I got frustrated. Being the fun loving, rebellious teenagers we all once were,  I defied her rules and went home at 2 am. Due to this crime , I was grounded indefinitely . My MOTHER never grounded me! A difficult time for me indeed. Did it stop me from going out? Nay . Instead of obeying , and being pious, I conjured up a plan to be able to leave the house every saturday night unnoticed. THE NINJA WAY ( hoy ninja! kung binabasa mo to high school pa lang ninja na ako;) . ). In other words….Takas:). The plan? Sandali shot muna. Yosi. Game. The plan:

• By seven in the evening, after supper, i would pack my wardrobe for the night ( usually a black  round neck shirt, or polo, black jeans, and black shoes. I didnt have cash for boots at the time.)in a bag, and hide it under an old mercedez which has seen too many summers. No one uses this car. It was the perfect hiding place.
• The kitchen door was never locked due to the fact that my eldest cousin would have friends over at the wee hours of the morn, to do God knows what in his bedroom.
• 8 pm. My tita would finish praying  the rosary. By this time the entire household, save my cousin, and myself, would be preparing to go to bed. By 8:30 I would bid her good night, and go to my room. The music would be off in order for me to appear to be sleeping, and listen intently for my tita’s door to go"click". This means that she really intends to sleep. Off to the shower room I go.
• 9pm. Silently i sneak out of my room, into the creaking wooden floored corridor, into the dinning room, then the kitchen, and out to the garage. I then reach for my bag and change into my wardrobe. IN THE GARAGE!
• This was the tricky part. The gate, like the kitchen door would never be locked due to reasons I have mentioned earlier, yet it would be closed. This gate would make enough noise to awaken a comatosed patient,and everytime the gate would open out comes my cousin to see who came over. It would compromise my escape.  I had no other option but to scale the wall. It was’nt very tall, yet it was a bitch to climb after a night of booze , and bakes. Once this task was done, I would skitter away like a mouse escaping a sleeping cat.
• Escape successful. Mission: The pursuit of drunken fun, tomfoolery, bakes, and rock and roll. Destination: Kalye Bar.

5:13am

Every individual needs hard notes to be able to survive , and enjoy a gimmick do you agree? This has been the problem of teens to this day. Do you know how much money i would  bring at the time? Ten pesos. Time for that shot. Perhaps a cigarette as well. Right then where was I? Ah yes. Kalye Bar ( to the younger ones Kalye is now 6UNDERGROUND) was walking distance from the place where I used to stay. Scratch cab fare. The receptionist who would charge entrance at the gate already knew me as one of the band’s friends so she would’nt charge me entrance. " O Brian Hubad. Kumpleto na sila sa loob umiinom na." she would say. Which band am i reffering to you may ask? Razorback. The Miguel Ortigas days. I was but a fan. As i enter the bar everyone was there. At the time it was understood that everyone would be at kalye every saturday. Walang tawagan!  Not being at Kalye on a saturday would be sacrilege.  I exchange pleasantries with my friends, and aquaintances. Oh how I envied the men’s long hair. The tie dyed, or black rock shirts. The jeans. Most especially the cowboy boots! These were the college dudes. Wala at that time I had hair comparable to that of Conan O’ Brien’s e. The ladies? ooh lala the ladies at the time. They would either be in hippie attire or grunge. You know ? Tight top, shorts , and  high cut Doc Marten’s boots( this was the nineties remember). Oh they were so lovely. Then I would make it to the band room or wherever the band was gathered, and say hello. "Brian Hubad!" they would shout in greeting. each member would have a pitcher of Rhum Coke each. ONE PICTHER EACH I say. Bloody hell those blokes could drink. And the first set has’nt even begun! Razorback. Fish should’ve been their name because that was how they drank. Like  fish.  What would I do? I would go over to the bar, ask for a glass with ice, and bum off from their pitchers. I was a welcomed pest. As the first set begins, the funny thing is that they would leave their pitchers ( whatever’s left of it)  at our table, or in the band room. I was’nt the fish that some of you may know me  today , but that for me was a lot of booze! I was set for the night. Gig time. First set. Suave pero bigat. Set break. A group of i’d say twenty to thirty people step out in the middle of C. Palanca, or in front of the San Miguel building ( which is where Gweilos is now ) , would light up a minimum of five marleys. All at the same time.  Pasahan ng pasahan  ang mga kumag! myself included. Before you get to finish puffing your joint , here comes some other dude offering you another roll. Hooligans we were I tell you. Second set. Heavier. More heads bobbing in unison. By this time other celebrities would pop up. There was Wolf Gemora of Wolfgang. He was a regular. Sometimes Basti, or Carl Roy would pass by , and the band would ask them to jam a song or two. Razorback at the time would cover songs from Cry of love , Ramones, Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, " Slow ride …… Take it easy…. JANGJANG!", originals, and Juan De La Cruz. My favourite songs they would play at the time was thier rendition of The track " Pagbbabalik ng kwago( yes boys ,and girls …. this was not originally written by Kapatid), Slow ride, Beep Beep, Should I stay or should I go?, and Warpigs ( yet i hate playing the song. Sorry Kev). Aha! more Left over Rhum Coke pitchers I see. Tuloy lang toma ko noon.  Set break juts nanaman! By the time the third set kicks in, everyone would be pissed drunk, stoned out of their minds, and having a gas! The music would be pounding , heads would be banging, dudes would be passing out, some ladies would be vommiting in the ladies room, lasingan ng lasingan…… It was just RAKENROL! There is no better way to describe it. By this time the band would be at their best. Warmed up,agressive, and drunk. I recall saying to myself during those days " now that’s the type of band I’d like to play with." Little did Iknow that I would be playing for them three years later. O.k. ibang kwento yan. I’ve written the story about my first gig in my journal. We’ll see if it pops up in my blog. Shot ulit. Yosi.

6:07am

Damn this rain. Anyway the gig would be over yet the tomfoolery does not seem to end.The young hooligans would cool off at the band room, and continue drinking. Too much memories in that room for me to mention, yet I shall attempt to share the ones I shlall never forget. I remember Kevin showing off a new tatoo. Freshly done on the day itself. As he boasted his new tat, here comes Tirso , and asks " Pare! is that your new tatoo?" , and kevin say’s " Yeah pare. Joe just put it on me this afternoon." . " puta really ah?"  The long haired, and physically fit guitar man asked. All of a sudden, without mercy, nor hesitation….. Tirso slaps the newly branded skin artwork which was Kevin’s fresh tatoo, and ran away laughing like a child who accidentally drank from the spiked punch! Kev expressed his pain by saying " ARAY TANGINAAAA!", and chased after Tirso. For how long , I do not recall. There was this time when some bald headed bloke stepped in , and Dave shouted out " BONEHEADS BENDS! " . There was a band back in the nineties called Bonehead, and had a singer named Dino. This man was not Dino , and we all just laughed. Lasing. One of the most memorable booboos was when David all of a sudden strapped on his guitar, and said " Tara game! Last set!" . There was a brief silence, with a mixture of befuddlement….. Then a burst of laughter from the people in the room. He was so drunk that he had forgotten they had just finished their last set thirty minutes ago . So much more to share. A little too much perhaps.

6:39am

Success. Got back in my room unnoticed depite my being drunk, and ridiculously stoned, unnoticed by my aunt, nor my cousin. Kalye Bar , I would say was one big happy family. Everyone knew each other ( well most did ) . A family of hooligans ( mas sira ulo tong mga to kesa sa tribo Blady’s ). So much memories. All I can say is that we grew up in this joint. It was our home. There was a lot of love. A lot of hurt. So much laughter. A few tears yet they were never mine. It is an episode in my book of life  I will always cherish. I’m sure evreyone who was a part of that family will too.

6:50

I mentioned that I would gimmick with only ten pesos earlier. Do you know what the ten pesos was for? Yosi:) Winston reds were only ten bucks a pack at the time:) Ahhh them days.

3:00am

I was invited by my friend to a sunday afternoon party. Sosyal, afternoon party. Cheese fondue, Roast chicken with the most scrumptous marinade, Baked oysters topped with cheese, pasta from the heavens, Chorizos de Bilbao ( I dont eat pork so I didn’t get to enjoy this ), Paella, ah basta chibog! Not to mention the array of wines,champagne, Chivas Regal, Carlos Primero, Vodka….. Wala si empoy pero o.k. lang! There was enough booze there to set Ateneo on fire! Siyempre smile ako:)! All this was a despedida party for a German National….. Let us just call him "HERMAN GOERING" ( he kinda reminds me of Herman Goering. Huge individual. Quite jovial.  Tall. Loud! The only difference is that he donned a ponytail, and he didn’t command the German Luftwaffe. ) The man was quite drunk at the time. We exchanged pleasantries. Told me he was here on holiday and tha he was leaving for Frankfurt in two days time. There was something in his eyes I did’nt like so I stayed away. Strange. I usualy like conversing with foreigners , simply because you always learn something new from the conversation. I felt a hidden arogance from this one.Who is he? Apparently my friends had met this man in greenbelt (2, 3, i’m afraid i’ve forgotten. ) drinking alone. They decided to ask him over to join them, and in return Herr Goering, bought them several rounds of drinks. They had a blast apparently.  Herr Goering was the guest of honor.

3:17a.m.

What was I doing there? Well these friends of mine ( age ranging from 33- 42. Aside from their kids, I was the youngest in the group. For once. The usual age range of my friends is between 19- 25 . Yes indeed . I am peter Pan.) heard that i’ve been single for quite sometime now, and that they wanted to introduce a woman to me. I figured to myself why not? I had nothing to do that afternoon anyway( ano magapapaka  rizal nanaman ako sa condo, just like what i’m doing right now? dehin na no! toma yon). So I was decided. I figured sigue. Eat , get eleagantly wasted , go home, and sleep early. I met the woman that they wanted to hook me up with. Nice girl naman. Had a short nice conversation .  Early thirties but it was obvious that this woman needed to get married……SOON! I lost interest ( SAMA KO POTA) . Luckily I brought my discman, and a couple of discs, so I decided to sit myelf under  the gazeebo……. WHERE ALL THE BOOZE WAS MWAHAHAHAAA!. The group was arond 25- 30 people all in all excluding their kids, and the yayas. It wasnt the kind of party wherein everyone sat on one table and barharharing. Everyone had their own trip. The men were discussing corporate politics, office complaints. I could’nt relate. Hey man all I do is play drums. Did’nt tickle my fancy. Some were drinking in the Lanai discussing God knows what?! The women, save one were all in Den watching MEET JOE BLACK. Don’t get me wrong I love this movie. But not over a glass of cognac. So I decided to just listen to chill out sounds, admire the huuuuge garden, and watch the children play. I love kids. All they do is use their amazing imaginations and poof!…. they’re in another world. I think at that time they were in Mordor battling the Orcs. Aliw:)  One of them even asked me to be Sauron! " but i want to be one of the good guys " I said. " eh what about Gimli" the boy asked. I said to him "dont’ you think I’m a little too tall to be Gimli?". The boy snickered ,and ran back to the fray. I was really enjoying myself that day. My friends understood . They knew I ‘m a very contemplative person. Especially in that house. So they let me be ,and enjoy my music.

3:30 am

A lovely afternoon indeed. A shame one of my friends was being physically molested by the drunken guest of honor. I intervened, and got punched in the eye. So in return I got him good. Buti na lang basag siya kung hindi yari ako nun. Let’s not get into details na as to how i got him , and what i did when he was on the floor ( pero yun yung pinaka masaya sa kwento;) ). You might think me a hostile man, but really i’m quite gentle. I apologized to everyone , and all they said was that the pig deserved it. Herr Goering was escorted out by the village gaurds. I went to the hospital to get my eyebrow stitched.

3:36am

Lessons learned / To be learned:

• In a fight no one wins. Sure I was victorious. Sure i got him good. Was I happy?  Did I tell  myself "yeah baby! YOU DA MAN!" nay. I felt guilt. I felt bad for the poor bastard. This feeling eats me up. It’s been eating me up for days now.
• Never underestimate size. That was his mistake. Called me a small asian boy. Always remember the story of David , and Goliath.
• Always keep your cool. We all know this.
• There is no room for hesitation once you’re at it. That was one of the mistakes I committed, but I felt kawawa naman. The man has a right to walk. Buti na lang basag siya. Baka ako yung hindi makalakad ngayon!:)
• MEDICAL BILLS SUCK!
• In every person there is a Lion. Fierce. Relentless. At times deadly. We should only release him for the right reasons.
• Masarap mag cognac pagtapos maki pagaway:)

Maraming salamat po kay Sir Joey, Sir Mike, Sir KENNETH!, Sir Ariel, at sa lahat ng tao sa dojo  sa inyong pasesnsya, karunungan, kabaitan. If it were not for these Lion’s I would not have known  what to do that day. Salamat din sa pakikinig nung mga araw nung malungkot, na malungkot ako. Maraminng salamat sa inyong lahat.

12:30 a.m.

These lines are from songs, quotes from famous people, and unsung an hero.  These words hit me when  I am in contemplation. Some are  quite obvious ( actually most of them are ). Just wanted to share. Some inspirational. Political. Some bring a tear to my eye. Shall I begin? Shot muna para masaya. Game.

1. " Everyday is a winding road "- Sheryl Crow - We all know this.

2." The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is if good good men do nothing " Edmund Burke.- Lads let’s not let this happen.

3." As not what your country can do for you…. but what you can do for your country! " John Fitzgerald Kennedy- This man had the right idea. Kung hindi tayo magbabago walang mangyayari sa bayan. It’s up to us. Screw the decision makers.

4." On , and on the rain will fall. Like tears from a star. Like tears from a star. All in all the rain will say how fragile we are. How fragile we are. " - kala mo tigas ka ano?

5." Don’t tread on me! " George Bush/ Metallica - FREE IRAQ FROM AMERICAN OCCUPATION!

6." DO NOT OPPRESS, AND DO NOT BE OPPRESSED. " The Prophet Muhammad ( salaliyah wassalam) - Everyone should practice this. Just one man’s opinion.

7." Isang araw sisilip ang langit sa iyo " Kevin Roy - Now how true is this eh?  I love you bro. Tugtog  pa tayo.

8." Alcohol is my best friend. In victory…I drink it. In defeat …I need it. " Napoleon Bonaparte- oo nga no? Things are good… toma . Things go wrong… toma.

9." Strength comes in defense. Not attack. "- Moi. Actually  Adolph Hitler had the opposite opinion. He was a shit anyway so who cares?

10." I am more afraid of living than I am scared to die " -Ben Harper. Alam nila Mael to. Do not fear death. Like change, it is inevitable. Dehins ako morbid ha?!

11." Faith is like swimming. If you struggle, you’ll sink. If  you rest you’ll float. That is how it works. "- Abu Iqbal. Rest in peace my friend. You and the rest of the group shall always be in my heart.

12." Allah, God, Yaweh….. the same being …..Different names."- Moi. Don’t you agree? Iisa lang yan. Hwag na tayo mag away.

13" All you need is love. Love is all you need " - John Lennon.

14."  If the sun refused to shine…I will still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea….There would still be you ,and me."  Led Zeppelin - dedicated to whoever I end up with. I have several more  lines but now is not the time. Just a teaser;)

16." I imagine what my body would sound like? ….Slamming ….against those rocks? ….And when I land. Will my eyes…..Be closed or opened?- Bjork- Wala lang. I love Bjork! Buang na babae! Ang lakas!

15. " We can work it out "- Paul Mc Cartney- I wish the rest of the world listened to this song.

12:15 a.m.

This sucks. Last tuesday my phone got busted. No signal. What to do?  Have the fecking thing repaired. Without my mobile unit, I would be cut off from the world. Literally. I had no choice but to have it repaired. Problem was I only had a grand that day, and I was supposed to get me a pair of sticks  because I had practice that night, a gig at halo the next day with DRT, and a two hour , and a half set at 70’s the next day with Razorback. I needed new sticks. I opted to have my phone repaired. The problem was I only had a grand in my wallet. The repair cost me php 400 all in all.That leaves me with php 600. On  a normal day, would’nt have minded. Yet that was not a normal day. For crying out loud I only had a grand. A GRAND! 400 went to the repair of a second hand phone which was quite posh nine years ago. My sticks would’ve costed me php 650. I know, I know! I should’ve bought the sticks first , went to war armed , and  ready, waited for my budget from the gig, then have that confounded unit repaired. Wala eh. Impulse got the better of me. Actually matters of the heart ( fota ang baduy ko. ) . That day I was coordinating with a certain someone. Just wanted to know if we were going to hook up , and have a few before i run off to practice. I really wanted to see her that day. Not very smart Bri, but it was worth it was’nt it? hehe. Rushed to practice, borowed a pair of sticks from the studio tech, then borrowed php 300 from Powers. Shot muna. Yosi. game.

12:45 a.m.

The following day I  woke up, and started counting my derbs. Kulang pa rin fota.  I lay down my couch listening to Pink Floyd ( Ironically the song playing was " Money " )  , and started to plan how I was going to survive the night without sticks.

PLAN A:  Buy electric tape, and strap up these pairs which are very used, quite dilapadated, sticks I found behind my cabinet. Yung mukhang nginatngat ng daga kasi wala naman akong pagkain sa bahay e. May toma;)

PLAN B: Invite my friend Francis, bribe him with free beer, borrow his sticks, get him drunk with Empoy, run off with his sticks , and hope he wont remember a thing the next day.

PLAN C: Run to the hills , join the rebels , and hope my bandmates never find me.

Luckily enough , I braved entering the music shop. It has been a while since i got myself a pair of sticks.I was appaled to see the price range of sticks nowadays! Php 700! Php 820! PhP 575! PhP 650! mind you these are made of wood , and not of gold! I felt like  doing a Jesus like Jesus in " Jesus Christ Superstar " when he went berserk, and wrecked the marketplace singing " MAAHAY TEMPLE IS  A HOUSE OF PRAYERRR! " of course I didnt do it. Alhamdulillah pag tingin ko sa baba may  nakalagay PhP 70.00! 70 fecking pesos! Fernando lang nga siya. Most drummers know how flimsy this particular brand is. It’s the type which would break after a maximum of three songs. Two if you hit as hard as I do. One if you hit as hard as Francis of Monkeyspank. Man that lad can really whack that thing ( K that did’nt sound quite right , but you know what I mean…. right? ? ). In my eleven year career as a a proffessional musician, ngayon lang ako gumamit ng FERNANDO! Puneta  na banas talaga ako! Surprisingly they lasted two gigs! I broke one stick at 70’s , and it was the last song pa.

1:19 a.m.

Shot. Yosi. Game. Where was I? Ahh yes. It’s a fantastic feeling being a Musician. Yes indeed. Several individuals spend an entire lifetime trying to figure out what is it they truly wish to do? What are they here for? What truly makes them happy? What I know is this… All I want to do is create, and play Music. It is in my blood. In my heart. It is something you can never take away from me.She is my one true friend. In sadness , joy , desperation, anger, confusion, victory, or defeat…. She will always be there. NEVER SHALL I LOSE MY FAITH IN HER. What saddens me is that in this country, Musicians, especially ROCK MUSICIANS, are struggling to make a decent living. It is a struggle mein freund. Ano? porque’t Razorback ako akala mo milyonaryo na ako?! Hindi oy! Fotangina nag FERNANDO  nga ako e! Yet this is the life I choose. Frustrating yes , but this is what I am. A Musician. A Rock Musician. Let me ask you…. Anong pipiliin mo ? Pera…. Or Passion?

4:00a.m.

" I miss you…… But I have’nt met you yet." - Bjork

                                                                                             July 8, 2005

3:10a.m.

Rain once again. No comfort in that. Just me and Empoy once again it seems. Had to brave the rain just to get me a bottle. Now i’ve got the sniffles. Home now. Contemplation haunts me once again. is it contemplation or nostalgia? Tool sounds ko ngayon sorry neighbors:). Mariel’s not around tonight so I guessi’m pretty much alone. I’m looking at the Brain Salad album jacket right now, and i realized that I looked different at the time.No it’s not because I had longer hair mind you! I don’t know. Happier? I’m looking at it and i see a certain glow in my eyes then. I remember them days to be quite hectic. Imagine. I would wake up at 6 a.m., put on my corporate attire, sell insurance ,and rush to school late in the afternoon . There was even a time when I entered the classroom , and the students all stood up thinking I was  their prof! I  just smiled , and cracked a joke , and they sat down laughing. The sad part is when our prof did step in , I LOOKED MORE LIKE A PROF THAN HE DID! Fotangina alaskado ako. My classes would usually end around 9:15. After class , I would rush to a gig. Still looking like a prof. 70’s, the fort, mayric’s, sanctum. And to top it all off, I had a girlfriend at the time. Boyfriend duties naman! Whew! Quite hectic yes indeed yet I still managed to smile. Sandali. Epoy muna. Ah sarap.

3:40a.m.

How could I have managed to smile despite the chaos which I was my daily routine? Running, rushing, juggling,  crawling, sometimes even dying ! I guess it was the gigs which saved me. Of course Jo was always there to save me. Thanks Jo:) Miss you Bambina! Gigs wre just pouring down on us… like this wretched rain! For crying out loud make this rain stop! empoy ,empoy  muna.

3:45 a.m.

Dude. Listeing to STAR naman. Ah nostalgia. I MISS THE ROAD! Meeting up in Sony, or lawes’ house ( quite hung over might I add ) ,  getting in the van , unahan sa patugtog ng cassette tape ( Tirso usually wins ) Kev would take shotgun, Lawes, and Tirso would occupy the first row. Behind them would be Ariz, Ricci, and Bitois ( Bitoy actually. Rest in peace my friend ), and at the back….. two hooligans. David , and Moi.  Ah the advantage of staying at the back of the bus.  Ops refill muna. Yosi!…. k game. What would happen at the last row of the van? Mocking. Conspiring. DRINKING! minsan sabog. Minsan nag papakasabaw ( but Dave never did so ako lang yon. ). Plotting the next prank on Bitois ( usually obscene, but he would always end up laughing. ) Ah the back row would feel like  an outside world looking at an aquarium. I miss the beer runs everytime we raid a convinience store. Due to this , the average piss breaks/ stopovers we would have would probably average seven to ten times ( depending of course on the distance of our destination. Baguio maybe , or Isabela. )  Upon reaching our destination, the next steps would be check in the hotel, rest, chibog, toma, rest, radio tour, motorcade ( I never fancied this ) ,soundcheck, hotel, chibog, toma, GIG!, hotel, goli, TOMA!, sleep get up the next day, then repeat the entire process till we get to Manila. Pag balik ng Maynila derecho Cable Car, or San Mig greenbelt. Toma nanaman pero si Dave nalang kasama ko.

4:27a.m.

I’m quite thankful i was lucky enough to experience all that. I’ve realized that a lot of people would kill to have a taste of my experiences. I just miss it. It seems that life was quite simpler at the time. Tugtog lang. Buhay ka na. Hold on refill muna. Game. I miss David quite dreadfully though. My partner in crime. The instigator of tomfoolery. Urich the Viking! One of the most talented guitar players this country has ever spawned. My friend. Wish you were here man. Here’s to your success buddy! One day we shall drink again , and make fools of ourselves!:)

5:00a.m.

I’m not yet done . Just sleepy. I’ll finish this later when I wake up. Good night.

                                                                                              July 5, 2005

      Passed out quite early. Around 10:30 I’d say. I awoke At 2:00 a.m. can you believe? Could’nt sleep anymore.

     2:50 a.m.

     Could’nt sleep anymore. Nothing on T.V. as usual. Sometimes I even wonder why I pay my cable bills. So what was the next alternative? I cracked open my E long neck, and stuck in my Shiela Chandra disc. I’ve forgotten how much this particular artist’s music can just make you stop everything and just make you contemplate. What came to mind? Pretty much anything, and everything I guess. Well since I’ve nothing better to do might as well jot them down. You may agree with how i see things… You may not. I don’t care. I am my being. You are your own monster. Shall I begin? Here goes…I hate spending rainy nights alone in my domicile. Such a lovely place welcome to everyone who brings warmth , love , loyalty , and respect. It seems that my only companion tonight is my visiting spirit who’m iv’e lovingly named " mariel " ( My unit has a visitng ghost. I’ve never seen her but she’s there. I do talk to her but she never speaks. When I do speak to her , all of a sudden the scent of flowers eminates out of nowhere. When tha happens I know she listens. She’s quite harmless though.).  But i guess you , and I would agree that nothing compares to cuddling with a warm blooded woman who loves you, and  just closing your eyes while listening  to the sound of heaven’s anguished downpour of life, knowing everything will be alright from now till the seas run dry. Nowadays I can never distinguish the difference between rainfall , and tears ( pero oo nga meng. maalat ang lasa ng luha.). Hold on let me pour myself another glass.

     3:15a.m.

  Still can’t sleep. More thoughts , ridiculous they may be, yet they haunt me like shadows who defy the sun. I’ve come to certain descriptions of  the emotions which we encounter on a daily basis. We all live by emotions i’d like to refer to as friends. Let me give my personal description of each . Sadness is my companion. Obnoxious he may be, yet I welcome him . He gives me hope that one day he shall tire , and give way to his sister Happiness. It seems they’re busy playing a game. Football most probably because happiness can’t seem to get hold of the ball, and score a goal. I mean you know how long a football match can drag on ,and on? Happiness sometimes does score. So what do we do?  we  cheer , and bathe in exuberance knowing that our team scored!  Crack open the champagne bottle! ….but wait…..Just when you thought she had prevailed, she gives the ball back to the opponent on purpose. And guess what? Team Sadness wins again. Will team hapiness weep? will they wallow in despair? nay. Afterall. Her name is HAPPINESS;). Attraction. Ahhh Attraction. Attraction is happiness’ dangerous cousin. Watch out for this one. You may find yourself in a lush garden, where the water flows  smoothely, and where the birds shall fly in your favor. On the other hand you may find yourself facing a firing squad. If you do, you can be sure that the bullets will penetrate your head… maybe your heart if you are weak. Manipulation is a possibility , but we have to take a chance.  No one want’s to be alone afterall so all bets are on ! Just remember that attraction is like sugar .  I’ts sweet. Too much of it makes you hyper . It can make you run around all night like a child on three packs of Babyruth! Although just like sugar, it melts in your mouth and ultimately disappears. Then you miss it , and you ask for more. Or rather you look for it. ( sandali lang. let me fix myself a drink. O.K. GAME!) Attraction is a great thing.  Just don’t wake up the next day sucking a lemon. Talo ka doon. Intimacy is the one thing I truly miss. True intimacy is nowhere to be found. Fortunately love is all around me. Aaahhh love. I have my friends to thank for that. As the late John Lennon once sang….." ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED ".

  4:20 a.m.     

   Still awake. Let me share my other thoughts some other time. Inom tayo minsan;) Sino ka man. Nasaan ka man.